I’m pretty sure I’ve mentioned before that the company I work for has a shrink, excuse me…mental health specialist, on retainer. Every so often, I’ve been known to give her a call. I don’t really want advice; I just need someone to listen to me babble without needing to give me their opinion. I felt a bit better after talking to her. She basically told me that I need to keep calling her and talking out everything I’m going through. She also told me that she was proud of the steps I’ve taken so far and how I’ve made it about me, not the circumstances I find myself in.
Again, this conversation did help me to feel some better today. If nothing else, it helped me to put things I was thinking out into the universe. The moment of greatest impact during our conversation was right after I said something and she stopped me and ask how I felt after saying it. I told her, honestly, no where near as bad as I expected. There really was very little emotion attached to it at all. She told me to listen to what was down inside me and believe it. Apparently, my stomach knows what I should be doing.
Reflecting on the past several years, I realize now that I’ve left a lot of my life to chance. I believed for way too long that if things were meant to change, they would with time. I believed endlessly that things would get better on their own. The truth about the matter, though, is that they won’t unless you (you being me) makes the change. I can’t keep wasting my life on things that don’t make me happy; on things that don’t bring me joy. I can’t keep saying “It is what it is,” and “faking it til I make it.”
Life is too damned short to not really live it.
Everyone, remember that, and get to living.